“Within a couple of hours, as time passed, he entered my room, silently and secretively as a lion would his prey. I tried to play like I was sleep, but he woke me. He asked if I was ok and apologized for the way my mother spoke to me earlier. I just replied with a smile because truthfully, I didn’t’ even understand her statement as a 7yr old. Then he proceeded to tell me everything was ok and that I could trust him.
At that moment, I began to feel the same confusion I did when my mother disciplined me for the way I interacted with her “man.” He than began to hug me and touch me softly on my face. The thoughts of fatherly love softly warmed my heart. The feelings of concern drifted away as I knew he was there to protect me… so I thought.
What happened after that innocent moment was that thing that haunted me for many years afterwards. That moment of disgust later became the result of childhood nightmares, the fighting in school, loss of self-worth, confusion, hatred, and adult male trust issues. These all propelled and played a part of my life of ridiculous faith.
Yes, the ugliest moments in my life became one of the forefront reasons I had ridiculous faith in knowing God had more in store for me, and I wasn’t going to stop believing until I saw it come to pass.“
This excerpt from my upcoming book is just a piece of my unreported story as a survivor of sexual abuse from the hands of my stepfather. I state “unreported” because it was never reported to authorities and with the death threats made by my accuser, I feared my life. With this, I never (until adulthood) shared the things he did to me repeatedly.
The molestation began at the tender age of seven and grew to abuse over the years. For many years I struggled with self-worth, anger, and trust issues as a result of these horrific incidents. It wasn’t until I was forced to seek psychiatric help at the age of fourteen due to multiple failed suicidal attempts, that my thought process began to change. My early twenties would be where I no longer had the thoughts of “ALL MEN” being defiled creatures. And it wasn’t until my latter twenties where I completely released the pain that scarred me throughout my childhood.
Now I stand unashamed of the incidents that occurred as I know it too served a purpose for my good. Through my pain, I am able to help other persevere.
Through my Teen KICK Ministry, I teach young girls how to not allow labels of hurt, shame, or even social media to define them. I lead through teaching their identity is found through Christ.
I share to state, You TOO can overcome. Know you are not alone and that with Christ… all things are possible, including overcoming sexual abuse or harassment.